Psalm of The End of Preparation

God please give me strength as I navigate each day.

Everyday it feels like its something.

I’m not stressed. I’m not hopeless.

This time is just a little intense.

I am grateful to be doing purposeful work.

I am thankful for God given dreams and talent.

I am excited.

I pray I am not putting too much on my plate. My plate is definitely full, but I believe that You have taught me how to navigate this season. You give me strength to push forward in completing each task that you have assigned me. You have given me great wisdom on how to proceed. I thank You God for your love. I thank You for understanding me. I feel safe with You.

I know that this life will not be wasted. I am confident in Your Will for my life. God, I trust You completely.

Life is not always easy, but it’s also not always extremely difficult. There are hills and there are valleys, but there is also the in between. This point in my life feels like a different kind of in between. I’ve experienced emotionless in between states that feel like a strange version of torture, but this is a busy in between.

It feels like a time of discovery. I often don’t have words to describe what I am going through at this present moment. That’s probably because I’ve never been here before. Life is changing. I am preparing for marriage, and to move to another state. It also feels like God is just moving in the areas of dance, creativity, community, ideas, etc. Its a lot happening right now, however I am not currently overwhelmed. I feel pretty good, and I know that is only because of Jesus.

God did such a good job preparing me for this moment that I cannot possibly take ownership. I am always amazed by His everyday grace. That is my name for that little extra bit of undeserved seasoning God applies to all of our lives. He really is a good Father. He raised me for all of this and more. My life has felt like one big gigantic hug from the Father. I am blessed. Even when I am overwhelmed, I always have peace. I always have stability.

I guess I am understanding that with God, I cannot fail. And He loves me so much that I believe He wants me to succeed. There is a lot happening, but God is all up in it. That’s always the best. Everyday isn’t the best day, but everyday is a day worth living with Jesus. I learned that and I’m grateful I’ve lived it.

This preparation phase is almost over. That doesn’t mean that I’ll never be preparing myself or anything ever again. Honestly I don’t believe that part ends, its just for this one specific thing we are nearing the end of preparation and gearing towards fruition.

It’s giving graduation.

For my college graduation I was not that happy. I had no feeling of joy because I had no job secured, I didn’t know myself, and it was the middle of a pandemic. I had no hope. I had let my situation rob me of my hope. HOWEVER today, I am feeling joy, I know myself and I have hope. These things are not meant to be temporary or attached to any earthly thing. (A lesson I learned the hard way). Learning to navigate unhealthy attachment is another reason why I feel so unstoppable.

My happiness is not tied up to a job. It’s not tied to material objects. It’s not tied to my surroundings or my family or anything else. It’s tied to my relationship with God. I believe that was the lesson that I so desperately needed to learn.

I feel so free.